Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
