She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
