At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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