just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
