dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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