pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
