he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize