watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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