well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sober January is a disaster.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
