It's Friday. Sex?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
