I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
