that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
