I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
