So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize