I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
