i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
