He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
