she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
