If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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