well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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