So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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