you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
