Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
