On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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