Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
