my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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