you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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