question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
