she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
