bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
