he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
