Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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