we have officially lost it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
