Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
