I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
