You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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