U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
