I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
