No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
