I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
