found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize