he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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