Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just google imaged poop.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You have to summon your inner elephant
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
