Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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