The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
