I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
