mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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