yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
