Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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