It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
