so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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