im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
