Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Randomize
