my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Couch. On fire.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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