I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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