You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
