Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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