I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
