I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
