how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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