did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
