You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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