508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
