apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
