i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
