At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
