dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize